tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48959379728929171642024-03-12T23:25:43.782-04:00lavender dreamswritings of
nic st. jamesnic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-61340235707605571322011-07-01T12:33:00.003-04:002011-07-01T12:41:25.791-04:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_0pSSzY0MZ0/Tg32z2LtBHI/AAAAAAAAAFY/_8ggSIUhBJU/s1600/1274107214l5yGe2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="200" width="160" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_0pSSzY0MZ0/Tg32z2LtBHI/AAAAAAAAAFY/_8ggSIUhBJU/s200/1274107214l5yGe2.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<br />
<br />
children ground the kite souls<br />
after three I knew the fourth was coming<br />
my soul tethered<br />
tight as soil to rock<br />
solid as rock to core<br />
a flighty bundle beating against the currents<br />
<br />
denial growing beyond subjectivity<br />
tears manifesting into bombs that pierce all humanity<br />
sunny days can seem so distant in rolling dust<br />
the kind that wallows beneath furniture swallowing dead skin<br />
<br />
<br />
my flesh has lost it's taste for people<br />
the one siders<br />
those that give to only rob back within the hour<br />
story makers<br />
spinning tales around imaginary hellfire<br />
dining on sparks<br />
spitting heat into puss filled craters on their own bloated hearts<br />
<br />
<br />
the numbers are playing cruel games<br />
as hormones dance rabidly upon flesh they will soon abandon<br />
I’ve tossed away algebra and time<br />
gazing into the space in between things<br />
the art of knowing nothing<br />
<br />
<br />
WE<br />
Terrified of truth<br />
folding it into layer upon layer of deceiving dogma and intellectual thought<br />
Incessant discourse<br />
wars of is or isn't disguising what sits within us<br />
waiting patiently<br />
the all silence<br />
has no wishes<br />
containing US <br />
it is <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
my hands touch palm side<br />
pressed together<br />
in the only self touch that is returned fully<br />
two hands pointed to sky<br />
self touching self<br />
connecting to all light<br />
to the emptiness of interdependence<br />
<br />
rocked into gentle acceptance<br />
Fetal tied<br />
the wind catching beneath glorious colors<br />
<br />
nothing is as it seems<br />
<br />
a kite struggling in the wind<br />
<br />
a child gazing up<br />
<br />
trusting<br />
<br />
the kite held strong<br />
by twine that binds her soul<br />
<br />
<br />
nsj<br />
July 1, 2011nic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-9851041781278130042011-06-22T18:26:00.003-04:002011-06-22T23:19:48.162-04:00desperation<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-j-71-w1lowc/TgJsF2kuHII/AAAAAAAAAFQ/7ScjiXnJVAI/s1600/3038792792_e44ab1dd8e.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="134" width="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-j-71-w1lowc/TgJsF2kuHII/AAAAAAAAAFQ/7ScjiXnJVAI/s200/3038792792_e44ab1dd8e.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<br />
I taste desperation<br />
nauseatingly sweet<br />
coating my tongue in fragrant anxiety<br />
stomach churning and little white pills<br />
sitting in the chair<br />
every cell chanting<br />
I need this<br />
give. me. a. chance.<br />
_________________________________<br />
money is different (now)<br />
more than it ever has been<br />
I knew (then)<br />
that I had plenty of options<br />
time<br />
looks<br />
time<br />
ability<br />
time<br />
experience<br />
time<br />
<br />
time<br />
<br />
time<br />
_______________________________________<br />
joy is draining from the eyes<br />
of every woman I have seen anywhere<br />
at a bus stop<br />
along the paths they run on to stay young<br />
in lines<br />
in waiting rooms<br />
wringing their hands against iphones<br />
worry has become their lover pounding them into submission<br />
gliding over them tainting even the color of a child’s laugh<br />
________________________________________________________<br />
<br />
presence and space swallow<br />
fear<br />
as I grab at the nothing concept of freedom<br />
snatching at<br />
the calm of night<br />
awakening knowing<br />
all is going to be alright<br />
<br />
alright<br />
<br />
alright<br />
<br />
as it is<br />
as the fan spins<br />
as I listen to my own<br />
heart<br />
beating through the wallsnic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-79229733518110201672011-06-04T00:22:00.002-04:002011-06-04T00:22:33.815-04:00Twinkling eyes and beating windTwinkling eyes and beating wind<br />
<br />
seated on the carved stool she sorted them<br />
spread before her on the wobbly wooden work bench<br />
sliding them into small groupings after careful inspection<br />
<br />
here<br />
here<br />
and you go here<br />
no here<br />
yes there<br />
<br />
she was pleased<br />
<br />
the soiled ones were on the far right almost absent her vision<br />
She slid many there<br />
<br />
cracked<br />
rotten<br />
those she slid to the back<br />
the furthest away<br />
<br />
shiny ones<br />
bitter ones<br />
too too tiny ones<br />
little piles<br />
spread there and there and there<br />
and there<br />
<br />
storm<br />
threatening early<br />
clouds absent<br />
the electric smell warning<br />
the pressure<br />
her skin<br />
her dripping eyes<br />
<br />
the first sounds now gatherings<br />
as the chill was entering her legs<br />
<br />
more she slid<br />
slide<br />
slide<br />
little piles heaped<br />
'til done<br />
<br />
shutting the window against moisture sunk air<br />
she reached top shelf by standing oh highest piled book<br />
<br />
folded in dusty velvet<br />
she brought down<br />
<br />
what it was she kept up<br />
there<br />
away from common piles <br />
safe from sorting<br />
<br />
<br />
she released...<br />
<br />
dancing air<br />
and musing whispers<br />
twinkling eyes and the sound<br />
nothing but the sound<br />
of the beating wind<br />
<br />
<br />
nsj<br />
october 2010nic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-54303587170021375782011-06-04T00:17:00.002-04:002011-06-04T00:17:58.258-04:00of another dayshe snaps them<br />
clean white sheets<br />
the room’s heavy window is propped open and outside autumn has begun to whisper<br />
the bed is high and she must step onto a small bed stool to reach the far corner<br />
to press the cotton smooth<br />
to fold the edges under<br />
she imagines this bed differently<br />
in candlelight<br />
soft and etched in his shadow<br />
but the leaves keep turning colors<br />
as time slowly creases her skin<br />
and these days will pass in routine<br />
like pinning clothes in the wind<br />
like winter’s howl and hot wooden stoves<br />
like sweet biscuits and gravy and warm mugs of cocoa<br />
all her desires swept through the window of seasons<br />
her hidden aches knitted quietly into the seams of each winter quilt <br />
<br />
<br />
October 2010<br />
nsjnic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-14773359178922963012011-06-04T00:13:00.002-04:002011-06-04T00:13:31.489-04:00when we dare, they are summonedRisk<br />
<br />
edges to jump with the heartthump<br />
eternity’s surging pulse <br />
clicks<br />
&<br />
bellows<br />
tumbling down mystery’s ravaged peaks<br />
<br />
<br />
Deceivers<br />
<br />
guised hunters<br />
Sweet cherry voiced and tender eyed<br />
All giggles and cons<br />
With shielded shovels<br />
Ur grave<br />
Open and patient<br />
<br />
<br />
Drawn to us<br />
<br />
I ( am)<br />
Bastille pitted<br />
Scaling up<br />
with newly ripped muscular halo and<br />
Parvati incarnation power light<br />
dark armies pant over pit edges yellow<br />
Puss<br />
Spit<br />
their salivation salvation offerings desperate now<br />
victory smells of sex to Appolyon’s eyes<br />
yet I defeat him<br />
<br />
<br />
Awake<br />
<br />
Triumph is the taste of earth and flowers and the rise of inner powers<br />
Orgasm is the honey of night runs<br />
Love is the seeking and seeing of it all (within)<br />
opennic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-35743059105177681322011-06-04T00:11:00.002-04:002011-06-04T00:11:49.798-04:00disease meit is just a page with some markings<br />
chicken scratch<br />
screen of strangers<br />
shopping mall of illusion<br />
I don’t feel it<br />
I don’t give a shit<br />
it isn’t much<br />
not dense like the music<br />
was<br />
like the words<br />
were<br />
like the used to be of everything<br />
<br />
art<br />
meaning<br />
voiced<br />
beat<br />
dripping<br />
in<br />
need<br />
<br />
It isn’t much of anything anymore<br />
<br />
when it meant it was meant good<br />
it was tangles<br />
high as speed<br />
injected in veins<br />
deep like a soul<br />
I used to know<br />
he diseased me<br />
in the only way<br />
one should<br />
<br />
want down in between low down<br />
<br />
I didn’t want a cure<br />
I wanted it to kill<br />
me<br />
good and slow<br />
I wanted to<br />
die<br />
tasting his<br />
name<br />
<br />
<br />
1/4/11<br />
nicoleenanic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-56612258065702149102011-06-04T00:09:00.001-04:002011-06-04T12:57:07.878-04:00Leather Pouchleather pouch<br />
<br />
when I saw him finally<br />
not the lines in his face<br />
but the specks of God in his eyes<br />
the weakness the runs from his tongue<br />
the effort of his muscles to cover the faultering of his heart<br />
it happened<br />
<br />
<br />
I knew nothing but what I needed<br />
human ripples in ponds of discontent<br />
toned in reverence <br />
lost in his voice<br />
that filled these cavities of the feral souled beast<br />
I was<br />
<br />
<br />
freedom slides down my skin as I register<br />
and take him in like the first time<br />
A vision of miles away ignorance <br />
it doesn't wound these days<br />
that he takes in air and doesn't know me<br />
that his steps reek of no sadness<br />
<br />
<br />
I have a small kit that contains leather, needle, thread<br />
to sew up what is left of my madness into a neat leather pouch<br />
a pouch that I will shove into an empty bottle where<br />
bitter sour remains of what I drain onto the sand will stain the leather dark<br />
<br />
<br />
off to sea I will cast it/him<br />
tied to tide his hold ceasing <br />
as gentle waves salt my calves<br />
as sunlight warms my bare back<br />
<br />
<br />
gulls will sing their casting song<br />
as I hum along<br />
waving to those who await me high on the beach<br />
ready to run to meet their arms and eyes<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
nicoleena<br />
january 17, 2011<br />
<br />
<br />
what "I" deserve....<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bVbmEW_mL6U/Temv4ZKEy-I/AAAAAAAAAFA/wcuQD_aelsE/s1600/162757_179123885441278_100000310047245_458706_4295841_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="150" width="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bVbmEW_mL6U/Temv4ZKEy-I/AAAAAAAAAFA/wcuQD_aelsE/s200/162757_179123885441278_100000310047245_458706_4295841_n.jpg" /></a></div>nic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-15641073427066659932011-06-04T00:04:00.002-04:002011-06-04T00:05:00.726-04:00North of Santa Fe<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RuQD_xlQHO4/TemusSr8baI/AAAAAAAAAE4/2J8IPyFoZUo/s1600/180474_189708024382864_100000310047245_521836_1631350_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="214" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RuQD_xlQHO4/TemusSr8baI/AAAAAAAAAE4/2J8IPyFoZUo/s320/180474_189708024382864_100000310047245_521836_1631350_n.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<br />
<br />
sprouting through clay was of its being<br />
beaten but glorious as it emerged<br />
the creatures eyed the slender stemmed<br />
virginal flower<br />
absence of voice they turned to the light<br />
death & life is woven through such flourishing forests<br />
as leaves flutter in aspen chimes<br />
a melancholy opera north of Santa Fe<br />
<br />
she might have heard their song if not for dancing hope<br />
she carefully bent down in her thin hippy dress<br />
swollen with life's purpose<br />
to the small delicate flower<br />
purple souled<br />
she was charmed<br />
how lovely<br />
how small<br />
what an exquisite little bud you are!<br />
<br />
brushing her lips<br />
he placed the bud softly behind her ear<br />
enchanted hearts wrapped in southwestern mystery<br />
you will still be beautiful at thirty-five<br />
whispering hair to heart<br />
& she pictured them<br />
with the child<br />
in a forest tree<br />
away forever<br />
in<br />
love <br />
<br />
the leaves sang<br />
louder<br />
longer<br />
insistent<br />
but they were dipping their hands in shallow water<br />
ringed<br />
linked<br />
she never heard their mountain warning<br />
royal flower in her hair<br />
<br />
you always see the small things<br />
he told her<br />
but today she saw only vast blessings<br />
<br />
& tonight<br />
child grown<br />
she can recall<br />
white bark stretched to golden heart leaves<br />
how they screamed<br />
but<br />
she would change not a thing<br />
not a moment of that day of New Mexico dreams<br />
<br />
<br />
nsj<br />
February 11, 2011nic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-41497055042296735962011-06-04T00:00:00.000-04:002011-06-04T00:00:09.745-04:00no pulse<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;"></span><br />
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</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
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</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">deer are free from what it is that locks me into this space of ridiculous torment</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">I want to be a deer in the forest if only to affirm that an orange vest and a shotgun might be better than this</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">pills and talks and long mountain walks have yet to bring digestion</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">that it did not matter where it came from as long as the sender had tormented eyes and a lusty heart</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">I. Will. Not. Be. One. Of. Them. <em>(on the fateful day)</em></div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">because I will have died years before, decades</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">(iceycold) I spent my days and nights buried in piles of words, wooded trails and the embraces of my offspring</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">covering the dead parts with too much mortician makeup</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">forgetting that my replacements are just a string of hearts & pussies with no pulse </div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Jack the <em>pleasant</em> Ripper incarnate will not get one tear upon his death<em> </em>from this dead girl.</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Feb. 2011</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">nsj</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div></div>nic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-10089722709519840382011-06-03T23:58:00.000-04:002011-06-03T23:58:18.500-04:00disgraced at the dump<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;"></span><br />
<div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">disgraced at the dump</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">She held me up a mirror with a fierce juttin’ hand</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">"Lookie see?" grime beneath her nails and grinnin’, "see?"</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">pink plastic frame, cracked glass, smeared gloom</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">we stood atop a pile of discarded life</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">"you ain't nothing but a toothless goose," she cackled</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">"just like me you is!"</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">nappy headed and stinkin I seen she was right</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Feb 2011</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">nsj</div></div>nic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-61222747500288624932011-06-03T23:55:00.002-04:002011-06-03T23:55:26.478-04:00Yonder<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;"></span><br />
<div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">yonder </div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">He drew his breath from stones as they threw them</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">“Hey Faggot, them books heavy?”</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">the way the light shone snatched his gaze</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">voices in the distance always faded away into a bird’s flight</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">a synapse orgy</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">a breeze scented of death</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Pa didn’t let him own pages</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">tasked with crop and barn</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">the horses</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">their foul aftermath and the Bible</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">his body worked fields</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">his mind worked plows chained to cloud shapes</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">fluffs of octagons</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">dimensions and time machines</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">the discourse of family madness</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">his nightly sobs and grasping of sanity</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">an intricately patterned harvest</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">blankets and coverlings of crying mouths and empty flattened teats</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">the horror eyes of creatures the second before slaughter</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">the ants marching along little trails of crumbled crackers</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Pa hollars</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"> as the woods and songs called from</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><em>yonder</em></div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">he planned to leave Pa and this land where earth gently graced sky</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">where feces gift life and dark is for resting spent bones</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">he would live smooth handed and walk scholarly halls</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">with hushed whispers, spectacles and sleep deprived eyes</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">His body would soften</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><em>Eventually</em></div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">he would send a book he wrote to his Pa</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Who would burn it in his evening fire</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Who would never read the dedication</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Who would feel no pride</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">devoid of what he had seen when he flipped the pages</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">denying the life and mind he bred</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">concentrating fiercely on the Lord's verses</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">reciting them especially loud that night</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">nsj</div><div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">march 2011</div><div><br />
</div></div>nic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-74183103785306061422011-05-27T12:43:00.000-04:002011-05-27T13:22:17.327-04:00Waking Suddenly<p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Night particles seemed to cast broader spells as vast defenses to the needs of offspring and pages of righteousness she devoured. Waking suddenly this night with the thoughts of a genderless child somewhere mucking through swamps of parental baggage, she touches the sweat between her breasts thinking of laughing artists toting brushes; their armour armor raised in quietly shielded sarcasms of brushstroke.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Twisting in coverlets she reads a child's book. It is the tale of manic creative masks, life selections and objections that slide beneath consciousness’s sight. Choosing course chants to recite steady in the safety of her sanctioned bed, she avoids cool tiles that point to loneliness, icy windows that open to a place that functions it seems out there, in her, for her. Sirens repel her in a world desolate of masculine lines and deep rumbling. She cast them to numbness and turns her head.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The worn clichés of this night's dreams haunt her like young wallflowers in yellow dresses plastered against torn wallpaper, virgins big-eyed waiting for rings, marked bodies and babies to hold; a human melding proving worth and roping swine by their throats.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Never painted canvases float above her; she carries them through the halls of her duties, the lines of her consumption, the dreams of her never if only ironies. Colors never focused, only lines and forms and the conception of egg passions verses sperm wanderings.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Secluded words and lyrics sloughing off layers of her unused skin until blood spotted punctuation marks decorate her knees, her elbows, the in-between places nobody noticed. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She prefers it this way as her alone equated asylum in her internal algebra. This safe place stroked her in places no one could reach, not her stacks of books , not the him hymns that wandered through her forehead, pulsing under her right eye, not the imaginary long dead cat purring near her feet sucking his own tail in soft nurturing repetition.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Grasping her notebook she writes unpolished far beneath shining metaphor or brilliance. She writes free of a critic or a distinguished eye. Awareness that the one that matters left this place long ago as</p><p class="MsoNormal">time</p> <p class="MsoNormal">crumbles</p> <p class="MsoNormal">down </p> <p class="MsoNormal">her </p> <p class="MsoNormal">spine</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br /></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The bowl at her bedside reminds her of cherries before season. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She spits make-believe pits to the floor and watches as they travel through miles of carpeted forest finding their way to polished wood floors hoping to be kicked into waiting fertile soil elsewhere, anywhere.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Her closet remained empty tonight. She can see the space, the emptiness that confirms that she never was one to leave a mark</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal">may, 2011</p>nic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-14039566359876216442011-05-07T00:33:00.000-04:002011-05-08T11:46:29.204-04:00Mama Never Said… that what ya don’t know tastes like honey (voice somewhere)<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rpCRsl6W-UU/TcTPMl6ntwI/AAAAAAAAAD4/-Io-bsl_hIA/s1600/OldWoman.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rpCRsl6W-UU/TcTPMl6ntwI/AAAAAAAAAD4/-Io-bsl_hIA/s320/OldWoman.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5603831651599103746" /></a><br /><p class="MsoNormal"> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">so ya a bored pretty girl with shallow swimmin’ eyes</p> <p class="MsoNormal">mama never taught ya <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>‘bout ta-morrow</p> <p class="MsoNormal">mama was cursin’ ‘long with the blues guitar</p> <p class="MsoNormal">so ya a naked little thing are ya?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">mama never taught ya that bare skin <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">always</i> hides</p> <p class="MsoNormal">mama never cared to show ya that ya heart can’t cry</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">not proper </p> <p class="MsoNormal">like</p> <p class="MsoNormal">not like that</p><p class="MsoNormal">ya see-</p><p class="MsoNormal">it be in the intention</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">time blaze burns out those subtle bedroom lies</p> <p class="MsoNormal">little girl thighs</p> <p class="MsoNormal">ya gonna age precious one</p> <p class="MsoNormal">ya <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>gonna wither</p> <p class="MsoNormal">mama never taught ya that all things pass</p> <p class="MsoNormal">ya can't hold on <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>to a perfect thing</p> <p class="MsoNormal">not a clean shaved patch</p> <p class="MsoNormal">not a tight snatch</p> <p class="MsoNormal">not a skinned knee</p> <p class="MsoNormal">not a sparkly gem</p> <p class="MsoNormal">not a <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>favorite poem</p> <p class="MsoNormal">not a <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>dirty whisper</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">we die</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>that body does</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">she didn’t tell ya did she?</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">ya can't make makin’ love fix what mama never gave ya</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>‘cuz mama gazed away high</p> <p class="MsoNormal">turn ya head weary bombshell</p> <p class="MsoNormal">ya ain’t a superstar </p> <p class="MsoNormal">ya <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>an aging flasher</p> <p class="MsoNormal">high in ya own reflection</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">let your bird wings out</p> <p class="MsoNormal">let your feather hair blow</p> <p class="MsoNormal">mama never taught ya</p> <p class="MsoNormal">mama never taught ya </p> <p class="MsoNormal">what you need to know</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">star light <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">is</i> yours</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>beyond the flash of a hunter’s knife</p> <p class="MsoNormal">don’t cut ya-self -up-</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>-just look up</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>& GAZZZZZZE in</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">mama never taught ya `bout the sky</p> <p class="MsoNormal">mama never taught ya that ya pretty little body is gonna die</p> <p class="MsoNormal">mama never taught ya</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>what ya needed to know</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>nic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-91686607664139349242011-04-25T08:38:00.000-04:002011-04-25T14:33:15.177-04:00She joined 350 millions souls<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lFRTukFynww/TbW8L4Aj_tI/AAAAAAAAADo/bSiKfwlqUD0/s1600/wpid-web_meditation_s20_47_part.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lFRTukFynww/TbW8L4Aj_tI/AAAAAAAAADo/bSiKfwlqUD0/s320/wpid-web_meditation_s20_47_part.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5599588623904407250" /></a><br /><p class="MsoNormal">She joined 350 millions souls</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">it was gained</p> <p class="MsoNormal">purely</p> <p class="MsoNormal">as her handwriting changed</p> <p class="MsoNormal">for another round</p> <p class="MsoNormal">streams carving through stone</p> <p class="MsoNormal">movement<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>changing stillness</p> <p class="MsoNormal">stillness changing movement</p> <p class="MsoNormal">she stopped talking</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>doing</p> <p class="MsoNormal">sitting as it happened</p> <p class="MsoNormal">cars speeding by</p> <p class="MsoNormal">then gone</p> <p class="MsoNormal">a gang rambling along</p> <p class="MsoNormal">blow torches ready</p> <p class="MsoNormal">breathing she saw nothing move to all</p> <p class="MsoNormal">in</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>out</p> <p class="MsoNormal">lungs filled</p> <p class="MsoNormal">lungs empty</p> <p class="MsoNormal">life bursting </p> <p class="MsoNormal">dissolving into yesterday</p> <p class="MsoNormal">200,000 years ago</p> <p class="MsoNormal">the air is sticky </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>a bee lurks closely</p> <p class="MsoNormal">catching the sent of her strawberry perfume</p>nic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-20882581569439928502011-04-12T08:16:00.000-04:002011-05-27T12:57:26.776-04:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; "><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>nude in neutrality</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>we have become observers</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>recalling that city dwellers walk past a rape</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>don't see a mugging</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>glad it isn't us</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>a stabbing</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b> a body</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>a pool of blood</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>shuffling with averted eyes</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>scarves around vulnerable throats</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b> off to the meeting</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>the desk</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b> a dark corner</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>anywhere but seeing</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>we watch</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b> boys die</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b> bellies extend</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>women with tears in their eyes</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>maddening breath and sacrifice</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>before we</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b> order a burger and fries</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>the waves drowned mountains of souls</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>as we sifted through porn</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>goods for sale</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><em><b>as it is</b></em></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><em><b> supposed to be?</b></em></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><em><b>small world</b></em></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><em><b>my family and me?</b></em></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><em><b>or global</b></em></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><em><b>stepping victory?</b></em></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>helpless overdrive</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b> we play on the interwebs</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>avoiding "drama"</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b> our haven from</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b> glaring slaps </b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b> gutting addiction </b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>despair empty nothing</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>pounding heads upon millions of walls</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>sun and air force breath</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>steps but</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>we prefer it</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b> where the bullies feed</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>we still do <em>anything </em>but</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>see</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>nude in neutrality</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>we watch</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>nsj</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>April 2011</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b><br /></b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>Elie Wiesel</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b><br /></b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>Neutrality is at times a graver sin than belligerence.</b></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><b>Louis D. Brandeis</b></p><div><br /></div></span>nic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-11597875550441387762010-09-25T14:05:00.001-04:002010-09-25T14:06:29.603-04:00the habit of a human<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; "><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >a ghost saw me on my moon walk</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >my walks have become a habit</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >like that of a nun</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >all black and robed</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >only my scrubbed raw skin in view</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >the ghost glided up the hill</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >and looked back over a shimmery shoulder</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >and I knew</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >my habit was transparent</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >my limbs and beating secret exposed</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >naked</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >vulnerable</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >the ghost made a decision</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >in the flash of an earthly moment</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >to see my bare hairless flesh as human</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Human</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >Human</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >what human could resist walking</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >what human could resist the moon</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >what human could turn away from caring about a drowning in the sea</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >about the life one cannot cease to see</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >in the solitary moments</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >of a million moon walks</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >of a million words</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >of a million</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >poems</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >that</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >rip off the skin</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p></span>nic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-32950173723589769812010-09-18T00:12:00.000-04:002010-09-18T00:13:12.420-04:00I had a dysfunctional relationship with Lord (The gospel according to nic st. james)<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; "><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The universe asked me to stop calling it Lord today</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">It keeps slipping out during our conversations, the Lord thing</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I read a book as a tween, most women my age will know, called, Are You There God, Its Me Margaret, by Judy Bloom. That book changed my life. Soon after I began writing in a journal. I started each entry with Dear God. The paper became my savior. As I matured into anti -everything, I stopped with the Dear God part, but late at night I would still lie in bed and say, “Lord…., “ and talk to him in my mind until I drifted to sleep.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> One day it dawned on me that “Lord” was letting little children starve to death, so I stopped speaking to him. I gave him the cold shoulder. Another day, I realized that young boys died in vicious wars in the most gruesome ways and I renewed my rage and continued the silence for years longer.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I did forgive Lord eventually, but mostly out of desperation. I made a decision that I would believe once again and that life here on earth was a mystery and that there must be some logical reason that Lord let children starve and get kidnapped and tortured by evil men. Mostly, I put it out of mind, kind of the same way I blocked out the thought that I was actually chewing on flesh when I bit into a steak or pork chop. But again, soon after, I began reading historical fiction and it dawned on me that Lord had been a cruel bastard for a long time and that he was either not real or hideously ugly and demented on the inside. I started to wonder if he took perverse pleasure in torture and torment.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Then my first born began to fall. Fall to drugs and the streets. And when I say the streets, I mean the dark, seedy streets of serious drug addiction. She turned against everything I had taught her. In my hopelessness, I again thought that maybe I could forgive Lord and show him that I thought he was everything he was cracked up to be and that in return he might pull my daughter out of the depths of the hell she was living in. That if I looked the part he might keep her alive from drug overdose, murder and torture. I did what I was supposed to do and attended a church. I even worked there. I played the part pretty well for a little while. When I bowed my head, I really tried, I promise I did. I listened intently and I heard hypocrisy and I heard that everything I believed in my core was wrong, evil even. Once again, Lord betrayed me, he wasn’t at all the Lord I spoke to late at night from my pillow and as my as my daughter fell deeper and deeper into darkness I figured that it was probably my fault because I just couldn’t quite swing it with Lord.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Damn him, betrayer, I decided now that I actually hated Lord.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Lately though,</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">And on and off spotted throughout my dysfunctional relationship with Lord,</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The universe has been listening to me. I have found the energy and vitality ready to serve me,</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Willingly</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> I read late at night about science and connectivity and strings of reality.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I breathe on a pillow in a small room and feel the glow of it</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I chew the flesh of nothing.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">And the universe and I .....we talk a lot these days and that brings me back to where we started.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I called the universe Lord again, I slipped.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">And this time the universe answered back, “thank you for placing your order.”</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> The voice was not male or female. It was an acknowledgement of my cells that he/she had spoken in a way they felt.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">A vibration of knowledge.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">“You did it again, you called me Lord.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am not Lord.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Please do not call me power</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> I am everything</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> But I am nothing</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am all you cannot perceive</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> And only what you can.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am exactly what you imagine</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Even though what you imagine is LIMITED</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">To that case that encloses your energy</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> I am what you have created me to be.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> And I create you in turn.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> It is our relationship.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am the universal energy.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The everything that you see.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">This is just what you created for me.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am what you made me to be.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> I am the direct result of what you perceive you see.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I fit everywhere.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am what you want me to be.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Except….</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> I am not Lord</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">You are</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">We are</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">They are too</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Even them, yes them</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Uh huh, even him</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">No, I don’t care!.... EVEN HIM!</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">So......</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">You created him, we all did.</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am not Lord….</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">rest your vision</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Close your boxes</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am not Lord</span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">You are"</span></p><div><br /></div></span>nic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-86387870097843651242010-09-04T16:27:00.001-04:002011-04-25T14:17:27.100-04:00memoirs of an abnormal personality<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><i><br /></i></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; ">I.</p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; ">He was girlish and flashy, downright impish and I knew that when he shoved his arms together to make little fleshy titties that it didn’t matter that he had a penis. He loved that boy on the playground as much as I loved mine and we were going to play Hawaiian pig. Hawaiian pig was a name of our chase the boys game. He made the name up and as I sat in the principal’s office trying to explain why I had chased the blue eyed boy, grabbed his arm, and somehow completely ripped the sleeve off his flannel shirt, the wall between adult and child understanding seemed insurmountable. Embarrassing didn’t describe the emotion. Embarrassing was forgetting how to say the pledge of allegiance when it was your turn to say it over the intercom to the entire school. Embarrassing was being the only kid in third grade with one sticker on your spelling star and knowing you got it only because your favorite teacher felt sorry for you. (He was an artist)</p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; ">As I sat, looking at the stern man behind the desk, I contemplated just walking out of the school. I lived across the street. Home was a universe away and a sanctuary in its lack of bridge to this world. I would escape into make believe like I always did. In third grade, I may not have had the words <em>fuck this shit</em> formed in my mind, but <em>fuck this shit</em> was conceived there, in that chair, waiting. I don’t remember what he said. I don’t remember if he was even mad. I don’t remember if he had talked to my mom. I don’t remember any of it.</p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; ">But, I do recall the flush of rage, being sent back to class and the embryo of <em>fuck this shit</em> kicking in my skull and pushing the right side of the school front door wide open.</p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; ">Whoooooooooooooosh.</p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; ">The bright sun, the churning of my stomach and the quick steps of my feet moved me strait to my front door. <em>Fuck this shit </em>I was home.</p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><br /></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><br /></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; ">II.</p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; ">A brown pinstriped short sleeve shirt tucked into polyester slacks is not enough to be repulsed by a man. Nor is greasy hair, thick glasses and bad breath. But repulsed I was. What was it? It wasn’t his muggy sweat circles in his armpits that streamed wide and deep until they met and seeped where his belly tucked into his belt. It was more than the fact that he waddled when he walked and dragged his feet along in lazy scratches. More than the shiny greasy sheen his skin took on after an hour of conducting middle school concert band. None of these surface observations repulsed me. What did, was the fact, that he thought he could reach me. </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; ">That day was like any other until my head exploded within one of his lecture rants directed at the clarinets. His greasy lips shot spit as he taunted that I might lose my first chair position when I was playing third chair quality. I felt the snap. The internal bang.</p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><strong>Ta-ta-ta.</strong></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><strong>Ta-ta-ta</strong></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><strong>Ta-ta-ta</strong></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><strong>Hours of ta-ta-ta</strong></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><strong>And I loved it sitting in my room alone with my music</strong></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><strong>Ta-ta-ta</strong></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><strong>Ta-ta-ta</strong></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><strong> </strong></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><strong> </strong></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> <em>A fuck this shit</em> cloud is what I remember as the slide of <em>fuck you asshole</em> from my lips surrounded thirty eighth graders in a combination of joy, shock and hell yeah. <em>Yeah, fuck you asshole. I am sick of your ranting bullshit. We are doing the best we fucking can here</em>. <em>Fuck. This. shit</em>.</p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; ">And tears…</p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; ">Then the door, the shove, the light, the walk home</p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; ">The next day, he pulled me aside. I hate(d) that pathetic concerned look people place over their own manipulative intentions and fears</p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> <em>hey, I didn’t report you to the principal. (Supposed to be grateful) Is everything O.k. at home? Do you need to talk about anything? (Come sit in my office little girl) This was out of character for you</em>.</p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> I don’t remember what I said, but I am sure it was an apology of sorts and a <em>no, everything is just great </em>spiel. I knew I was supposed to think he was a great guy now that he had compassion for his students, compassion for me, but all I could manage to think the rest of that year was fuck<em> this shit.</em></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><div><br /></div><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><em></em></p></span>nic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-36261863633423035222010-08-29T14:00:00.000-04:002010-08-29T14:38:38.065-04:00a geisha's nod<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxp3JNXKefDhvto2ISunPGxnmXe-BpQjUpZAzMZNW9Nrrl0APVXa3D1iDmdxkQDzbllGGxQ46mokENY-gr3xg' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe>nic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-61505478150612451072010-08-25T22:56:00.000-04:002011-04-27T21:07:47.957-04:00I kinda sometimes maybe, but not really<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><br /></p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"> </p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I wish to be crazy untied</span></span></p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Smoke cigarettes</span></span></p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Hang out in cool New York bars</span></span></p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Jazz infested </span></span></p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">just crawling in hip</span></span></p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I wish to wear trench coats and top hats</span></span></p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Run bone braless</span></span></p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I wish to be that colossal one</span></span></p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">With profound binding</span></span></p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Published things</span></span></p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I wish to sip coffee</span></span></p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">That tastes something</span></span></p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Like it smells</span></span></p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Love's bitter bite backwash</span></span></p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">And coffee breath</span></span></p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I wish for some cash</span></span></p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">But to be free enough to travel</span></span></p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">In cars to graveyards</span></span></p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Pubs and history’s shining</span></span></p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;font-size:11px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I wish to be the eccentric</span></span></p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Who reads poetry to her dog</span></span></p><p style=" text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Surrounded in book musk</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">And Literature dust</span></span></p><p style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; text-align: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">As he just smiles</span></span></p></span>nic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-85452725061618216712010-08-19T23:08:00.000-04:002010-08-20T00:10:38.662-04:00murder of a fairy's tale<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_j0S9qv_t60c/TG3x1koF9QI/AAAAAAAAACo/tbojYrgbJSE/s1600/to_lien_sleeping_girl.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 218px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_j0S9qv_t60c/TG3x1koF9QI/AAAAAAAAACo/tbojYrgbJSE/s320/to_lien_sleeping_girl.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5507323822011184386" /></a><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Arial, sans-serif;font-size:7;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:41px;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style=" Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";font-size:8.5pt;color:black;"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style=" Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";font-size:8.5pt;color:black;"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">footprints unique as fingertips <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">as lips grazed along poet (trees)<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">the muse that whips against windy reason<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">hair to waist and eyes of Eden<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">lost to saints<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">surrendered to shield<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">this fairy’s shroud <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>is dusty<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style=" Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">skin shed <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>as empty paper<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">eyes sockets bare from <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style=" Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">chosen blindness<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style=" Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style=" Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">flesh to bone<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">bone to loss<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">hostage<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">a homage<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">to broken veins and vomit<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>her emerald gown disintegrates<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">how long until her steps <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">erased<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">how long until </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">her silence</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">replaced</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">…the breeze taunted<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"></span></span></p><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style=" Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";color:black;"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>“Why did you look<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";color:black;">Why did you see<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";color:black;">Only the magic knows<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";color:black;">Only the devil can tell<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";color:black;">You treaded along a beaten path<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";color:black;">You stumbled upon an open wound<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";color:black;"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>A trap<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";color:black;">This muse knows<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";color:black;">Death was a rhyme away but</span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";color:black;">Pain<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";color:black;">Flows like torrents<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";color:black;">Dances as soul<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";color:black;">Haunts as a storm<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";color:black;">Risen from the southern sea<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";color:black;">Carrying the name<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";color:black;">POET<i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"> to forever haunt and scar thee</i></span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">for where there is one <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">there is always three<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">and where<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">there are three <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">the list<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">will grow”</span></i></span></p></span></span> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style=" Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:-webkit-xxx-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:16px;"><i><br /></i></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left:.5in;text-indent:-.5in"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif";font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">The train approached the station as she waited heart pounding, ticket damp with sweat. She committed murder today. She is dead and she must hide away. <o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Arial, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;">august 2010<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="Arial","sans-serif"; font-family:";font-size:12.0pt;color:black;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></span></p>nic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-65460902803722075982010-08-14T20:46:00.000-04:002010-08-14T20:51:31.422-04:00Threshold<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Entering the house he felt warmth</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Not of heat </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">But of love</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Not of romance</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">But of life</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Not of ordinary</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">But of seeking</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Not for what has been lost</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">But of knowledge</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Not of man</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">But of universe</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Not of science</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">But Of heart</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Not of blood</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">But of Breathe</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Not of air</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">But of earth</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Not of arrogance</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">But of acceptance</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Not of submission</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">But of action</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Not of hate</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">But of warmth</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Entering the house he felt warmth as he crossed the threshold into her smile<o:p></o:p></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">august 2010</span></p>nic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-53323500822171037832010-08-13T23:57:00.000-04:002010-08-14T15:36:21.195-04:00revelation of a smile<p class="MsoNormal">She plowed through the knee high grass determined to reach the rocky ledge, moving quickly and deliberately, <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>ignoring any aching that may have been present in her bones. The grass scratched her exposed shins as she stepped higher; almost with a youthful stance looking over her shoulder to be sure she was not missed. They would not have yet noticed that she was missing from her usual spot in the parlor with her beloved books. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She only looked at the picture books now. Sandy, her daughter, had pulled them down from storage last year, a box of children’s books from another time. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Her tea was probably still steaming on the table where her book rested and no one was due to check on her for at least twenty minutes. They didn’t think she still kept track of things like time.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">“Mother, do you like the new tea Lilly picked up? She chose it just for you, mother. Would you like another sugar cookie, how about some fruit mother?”<o:p></o:p></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><o:p> </o:p></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">She hated when they spoke to her as she devoured her picture books. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She preferred to be alone as she felt herself fall into the universe of each page. <o:p></o:p></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><o:p> </o:p></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">“Mother, I have some things to do, I’ll be back to check on you in a little while.”<o:p></o:p></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><o:p> </o:p></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">She had to force herself to smile and nod. As soon as the parlor door clicked she bolted out of the French doors leading into the garden</i>. <o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The ledge was in sight now, just a few more steps. In childhood they called it Stone Cliff. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Her mother hated when they went out as far as Stone Cliff and forbid them from climbing down the boulders to the small patch of course beach below. The waves were violent and Mother warned them about the undertow. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>What mother did not know was that there was a narrow worn path along the boulders that children traversed to reach the bottom. The thrill of defying Mother was only surpassed by the danger of the waves that threatened as they played their pirates game.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>They were either digging up a treasure or burying one it seemed</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">She stood on Stone Cliff looking to the right for the head of the small path. It would be overgrown now. She heard what sounded like calling. Where they looking for her already she wondered or was it the gulls circling above the sea? They will check the grounds quietly at first , calmly, she thought, they will be convinced that I have gone to use the “facilities.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;">Then she remembered from long ago, Mother hates me to come here. Mother worries so.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The path <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">was</i> overgrown, but she could make it out enough and understood that she would be sliding most the way down on her back side, with her hands extended to guide her. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She could do it. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;">Mother would be so disappointed that she soiled her gown.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Scraping, sliding and rolling down between boulder and bush, she became bloody, bruised.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She felt nothing, but the will to reach this grey shelled sand. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The sea so noisy now, might they be calling? Might it be time for supper?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;">A silent glare through an entire meal would the punishment. No laughter, no light talk, none of mothers charm because she had failed her. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Just her icey eyes and short quick movements from plate to mouth as she cut, chewed, swallowed, cut, chewed, <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>swallowed. <o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Reaching the bottom the sea immediately overtook her senses as it always had. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Her muscles relaxed releasing her of all her aches. Stepping from her gown, and slippers she stripped off everything.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Her skin goosed immediately but she felt no cold, just exhilaration, just the power she wanted to hold.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;">This is where I made all my decisions. <o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;">This is where I cried my tears.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;">This is where I lost my mind.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Naked, she entered the sea, waves thrashing her thighs, shells cutting her feet, water chilling her bone, but she could breathe and she could remember all the hope. She could toss away dreams that never would be finished. Life was not going to give her any more time. There wouldn’t be a next year, or I might try that next time, or planning, or wondering what tomorrow held. There was just today. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>A wave struck her and losing her balance she began to tumble into the surf, not resisting but letting the water move her with its weapon of <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>powerful tide.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;">As a child, getting lost in a wave frightens us,<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>as an adult, it reminds us,<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>as a weathered one, <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>it has its way with us. <o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><o:p> </o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Her body limp and loose refusing to fight.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Daughter, son and grandchild; Sandy, Lilly and Peter raced to the ledge.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>What was mothering always calling it, Stony cliff? Sandy never had a desire to visit it as she had always taken Lilly to the public beaches only fifteen minutes away. She remembered going to the small cliff hidden beach only once as a child and being tossed by a wave against a rock cutting a three inch slice along her thigh. It was enough to never return. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Mother had been rambling on a few days ago about Stony Cliff and she had ignored her, redirecting her attention to her picture books. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Looking down from the steep cliff they saw Mother’s white gown pressed against a large rock. What could have happened? Did mother want to die?</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">She saw them approaching.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;">Was that her mother, with her scowl, and her best friend Mary and Jimmy Hendrickson her high school sweetheart, but Jimmy never came home from the war did he? He was here? Why did they look so panicked?</span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">“I am playing in the waves!” she sang through lips that would not move.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">They reached the bottom of the treacherous trail and rushed towards mother on the sand as surf coursed over her naked body back and forth. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Sandy thought about how frail she had assumed mother was now, how she spoke to her like a child, how her mother never knew who anyone was anymore, often mistaking <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Sandy <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>as her own mother.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She was her mother now, at least in duty, so it did not seem so strange. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>In fact, it almost seemed natural.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Peter rushed towards mother and scooped her in one smooth movement out of the water. Mother’s lips were blue, her teeth were chattering, but Sandy distinctly saw her smile. Yes, mother was smiling for the first time in eight long years and she began to quietly sing an old nursery rhyme as Peter dried and covered her with her cotton gown.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">Little drops of water,<o:p></o:p></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">Little grains of sand,<o:p></o:p></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">Make the mighty ocean <o:p></o:p></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">And the pleasant land<o:p></o:p></i></b></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><br /></i></b></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><br /></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><o:p> </o:p></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><o:p> </o:p></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><o:p> </o:p></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><o:p> </o:p></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><i>*special thanks to Anthony D'Juan Shelton</i></b></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b><i>* Little Drops of Water, Old English Nursery Rhyme</i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><o:p> </o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>nic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-34922930087439439552010-08-13T20:23:00.000-04:002010-08-13T20:25:37.203-04:00she WAS old<div>She <i>was</i> old</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Today I touched soil and I remembered these things.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Two memories wrap around each other when I think of South Carolina and a visit(s) there as a little girl. Whether they took place on one trip or several is not important because in my mind they all echo around the taste and feel of the south.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Bertha Weeks, or Great Grandmom as I knew her, stood in her kitchen in white cotton briefs and a white industrial strength bra. She stood over the sink washing a pot. She might have been singing. I’d like to think she was. Her skinny legs looked ancient and spotted and her underwear were riding high, almost touching her bra strap. My Grandmother, Wynona’s shrill voice entered, “for God’s sake put some clothes on.” I imagine Bertha replying in her southern way with wit and feisty words, but I can’t hear them, they’re lost. Itwashot, scorching, and as far as I can remember there wasn’t an air conditioner. White cotton briefs and an industrial bra were probably just about right, considering.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Later that day or that year or maybe even a year later, I remember following Great Grandmom Bertha out to the garden. She carried an old aluminum pot with a handle. It was filled with rice she had just cooked. She didn’t eat any of it. It was for the worms. I followed her through what seemed like a disorganized mess of plants, paths, empty cans and various containers of all types. She told me all about the worms and how they kept her plants strong and in returned she cooked them nice big pots of rice to enjoy. She bent over in her house coat, small spade in one hand, and dug a hole in the earth and scooped in rice, mixing it in and covering it again. I remember staring in wonder and thinking that Grandmom Wynona would not like this and that maybe this was strange. Something seemed uncomfortable about it….feeding worms.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Only later would I realize the wisdom she had shared. Years later after she died and after the slap of tasting southern racism up close and personal.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>In the south, I learned, what is meant to not be “prejudiced” was that you took good care of your help. Took pity on them. Maybe even buried them in your own family plot.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Bertha went north because she had to.</div><div><br /></div><div>Bertha was on the couch with one leg.</div><div><br /></div><div>Bertha was ancient now and I was afraid of her.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I came to visit Grandmom Wynona, a regular thing. It was expected that I hug Great Grandmom. She was fragile, small, sour. I felt ashamed but, I wanted to get it over with and go outside or something, but Grandmom thought it would be nice if I sat in the room with her. They set up a T.V., so she could watch from the couch in the formal living room. I knew about her leg. I overheard them all talking. I knew there was a stump under the blanket. I was maybe 14 now. I was sure about things, as sure as a teenager could be about things. I had already battled it out with Grandmom, earlier that year, blurting out that I spent the night at my best friend’s house often.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Whose Mom happened to be my mom’s best friend.</div><div><br /></div><div>Who happened to be a boy.</div><div><br /></div><div>Who happened to be gay</div><div><br /></div><div>Who happened to be black</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>(Well half black. Stephan loved to tell people he got a white ass and black hair and he was angry as hell at the race gods.)</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Grandmom was crying and I was righteous and powerful. I wasn’t crying, I was sobbing</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I was right.</div><div><br /></div><div>I was right.</div><div><br /></div><div>I was right.</div><div><br /></div><div>Damn it.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>And I was. But, it was worse.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I sat in the chair looking over at great grandmom Bertha thinking about the stump under the blanket. Thinking of the recurring nightmare I had of losing my arm. Repulsed yet curious. When suddenly she screamed, bellowed really,</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>“YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THEY HAVE NIGGERS TELLING THE NEWS UP HERE?”</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I felt my blood rise. I felt my anger rise. I felt every episode of Sesame Street I ever watched, every taunt at school that I loved a gay boy, every stare, every talk Stephan’s mother gave us on racism and equality rise in my constricting throat. I wanted to scream.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I heard about this. I learned about it, but here?</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I wanted to rant as I watched her sitting there shaking her head. Mom came rushing in… I ran to the room I stayed in. Crying and shocked, I started to ramble. How? Why? It is so wrong. Soothingly, I was told that I was right and it was awful, but she was old.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>“So what?”</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>“Hunny, she is so old. Older than 90. I knew that. I didn’t care. This is ingrained and it won’t change. She is about to leave us and it will never change. She is too old. It was her way of life and really she was a good person her entire life. She is tired, she isn’t herself and she is old. We just need to give her love and make her comfortable. It doesn’t mean we believe it"</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I was left to stew in it.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I thought about it and decided that she was old and as I watched her mumbling to herself as she watched TV later that night, still angry, I knew mom was right. She was at her end¸ but</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I was just at my start.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>nic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4895937972892917164.post-61456927858166926782010-08-12T00:07:00.000-04:002010-08-13T01:33:14.794-04:00I am the girl resting in love within the mouth of the moon<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 15px; font-family:Georgia;font-size:13px;"><div align="center"><p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;">I am the girl resting in love within the mouth of the moon<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;"><br /><br />The moon drew me tonight and I flowed in upon him like cream</span><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";mso-fareast-Times New Roman";font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;">Resting within his mouth I beckoned you to rise with us</span><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";mso-fareast-Times New Roman";font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;">Your ears were filled with the sound of your pride</span><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";mso-fareast-Times New Roman";font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;">The eyes of the moon tear in my starry lullaby</span><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";mso-fareast-Times New Roman";font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;">My cries of weathered nights and barren dawns float along the airless stretches</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt">of universe</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;">The moon held me this eve</span><span style=" font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";mso-fareast-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;">Rocking me to billowy dreamless sleep</span><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";mso-fareast-Times New Roman";font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;">Because he promised</span><span style=" font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";mso-fareast-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;">Everything would be just as it is supposed to</span><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";mso-fareast-Times New Roman";font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;">The moon chanted to me this eve</span><span style=" font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";mso-fareast-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;">Enchanting whispers pressed upon my ear</span><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";mso-fareast-Times New Roman";font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;">His reflective glow warming my raised skin</span><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";mso-fareast-Times New Roman";font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;">And I woke to the seat of his warm and moist mouth</span><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";mso-fareast-Times New Roman";font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;">I am the girl seated within the mouth of the moon</span><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";mso-fareast-Times New Roman";font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;">I am the light he set afire this eve</span><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";mso-fareast-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;">I am the desire of his every moonlit glow</span><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";mso-fareast-Times New Roman";font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;">I am the girl resting in love within the mouth of the moon</span><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";mso-fareast-Times New Roman";font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;">And you …<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";mso-fareast-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-line-height-alt:9.9pt"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;">You don’t deserve me<br /><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FFFFFF;"> September 2009</span></span></span><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-Times New Roman";font-family:";font-size:14.0pt;color:black;"><o:p></o:p></span></p></div></span>nic st. jameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17444047955961631673noreply@blogger.com0